Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
