Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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