Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
