there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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