if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
