why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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