This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize