***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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