I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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