didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
