I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
