WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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