You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
