your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
