he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
