I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize