in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
