I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
