Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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