you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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