Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
