Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
