nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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