Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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