My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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