Fuck appropriateness.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
