The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
