We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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