im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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