Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
