: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize