I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's always time for handjobs
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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