If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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