Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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