idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
