I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
false alarm, still single
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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