Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
