I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
