Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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