was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
