The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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