you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
