hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
