Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
