just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
