So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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