he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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