Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
