it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
