do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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