So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
