I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
