I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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