I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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