I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
