and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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