Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
