I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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