Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize