Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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