On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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