Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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