Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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