too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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