we're blogging at a bar
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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