Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
