i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
