my sisters under your porch take her home
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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