Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Pooping to opera.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
