i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
