He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
