i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
