sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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