wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
