i just google imaged poop.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
