I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
