Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
