can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize