Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
