I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
