the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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