she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize