i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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