bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
