she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
