Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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