Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
