I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
