D3 body, D1 cock
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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