I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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