thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
