Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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