Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize