They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize