I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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