I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
