It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
