You're so nebulous sometimes
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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