what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
