Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
