final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
