my mouth tastes like poor choices
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
