I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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